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Author Topic: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?  (Read 4896 times)

Katrina

What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« on: June 02, 2011, 12:34:26 PM »
Other than dying alone and no one coming to my funeral..here is another one I came up with.

I was just thinking the other day...if/when I do ever get married I would have no one but family and my best friend to invite. Weird. I usually keep the fact that I'm a loner a secret from everyone I know, only my immediate family is fully aware of how friendless I am. I mean I don't lie about having friends but I just just avoid the topic of friends all together. I don't think I'd be comfortable doing something as public as a wedding and letting the whole world know. Yea I know I stress too much about stupid things. I probably won't ever get married anyway. Just a thought.


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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2011, 04:25:40 PM »
Dying alone. Growing old and have no one to ever talk to, no one to spend hollidays with, my sister and brothers will grow up and get married, and we will drift appart, my parents will get ill and die, I will have no family. I shouldn't care about being totally alone since I am a loner, but still I like to know that there is people who loves me. If I become ill, no one to take care of me, if I have problems, no one to help me. But I guess it's all part of it.
When I was younger, people would give me a chance, you can still make friends when you are young, but as you grow older, your peculiarities become excentricities, people has their own life, their own lifelong friends, familly, they don't need new friens, if I don't make friends now, I will never have them. Is not that I need them that much now, but if I don't make some now I won't have them when I need them. I am so selfish.
I don't think you should worry about not inviting too many people to your wedding, I think it's normal to invite only family and one or two close friends, unless you have a massive wedding, and if you get married to someone you love you would be too happy to worry about those things, wouldn't you?

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2011, 08:48:39 PM »
Nothing to fear about the future because i'll either die young or live old enough to support my life with inheritance money (and pensions, maybe), then once ive become too weak to take care myself i could hire a nanny to take care of me & the cats (and tell me stories, cos by that time i might also be too weak to type on keyboard and talk to you guys xD). If ill be dying alone then so be it (it's better when nobody bothers me when im sick, i think maybe the same way with dying times?), everybody will die alone in the end, loners and non loners :)

and im not worried at all if oneday people wont be coming to my funeral, like when they come that would cheer me up below the ground? lolol

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2011, 11:01:37 PM »
Being used as currency in a prison cell.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2011, 04:00:27 AM »
^hehehe........  Well I can't say I'm afraid of being old and dying alone.  I'm more afraid of dying young and leaving my parents and family to grieve me - I don't think my mum would handle it very well.  From illness or a car accident, etc.  If I make it to being old, I'll worry about it then.  Like Sol said, I'll just hire some home help and be a grumpy old person, bossing them about.  Hahaha...  And have loads of pets.

I certainly don't care how many people come to my funeral, lol.  That would be a somewhat trifling concern once you're dead.  And if I ever get married (which by now I've pretty much decided isn't on the cards for me, and I'm totally okay with that) I'd elope or have a registry wedding.  I couldn't stand wasting all that money on one day...  Nope, don't call me a hopeless romantic!  I don't care if I never have children or a family.  I've pretty much accepted this not happening, either.  Better than being a desperate woman trying to hunt down a husband and feeling like her clock is ticking and all that...

My life is entirely my own to live.  Maybe I will end up very, very alone one day from these sorts of unusual decisions.  I guess that's the only thing I'm slightly afraid of.  But otherwise, life is good!
“Many homicidal lunatics are very quiet, unassuming people. Delightful fellows.”  Agatha Christie

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2011, 08:54:56 AM »
My ideal wedding would be flying to Las Vegas on a Friday and getting married that weekend without telling anyone.

I don't like the idea of big weddings with lots of people invited. They seem too show-offy for my tastes. It's our special day and I wouldn't want to have to share it with family members or bog it down with months of pre-planning for a single-day event that I could've purchased a car with. If I loved someone, proposed, and they accepted, I'd want to get married later that same week. Not six months in the future.

Katrina

Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2011, 09:46:31 AM »
Like Vox I'd prefer a registry wedding too, but I come from a family who believes in things like weddings with loads of guests and stuff, my parents definitely wouldn't want me to get married in secret or have a registry wedding..and I don't want to disappoint them. My mom goes to her friend's kids' weddings all the time and I know she wants one for me ..Sometimes I feel bad I'm the only daughter my parents have and I'm such a freak.

When I was younger, people would give me a chance, you can still make friends when you are young, but as you grow older, your peculiarities become excentricities, people has their own life, their own lifelong friends, familly, they don't need new friens, if I don't make friends now, I will never have them. Is not that I need them that much now, but if I don't make some now I won't have them when I need them. I am so selfish.


Totally agree with you Noether! I'm only slightly younger to you and its definitely not easy to make friends after college, every one has their circle till then and there is no space in it for us. Not like I've come across a whole bunch of people whose circle I'd like to be a part of anyway..but a few good friends would've been nice. Being old and alone is going to suck big time. Oh well..I'm going to try and live in the present for now, I won't be old until at least another 20 years, sometimes my mind just goes digging for new things to worry about. I annoy myself.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2011, 10:36:19 AM »
if in the future, living and dying alone with no one even to visit me during my last years. Epic. But i have bunch of nephews and nieces, wouldn't they come to visit?

My current fears are social interactions. Mostly talking to girls, I'll look the ceiling, the floor, the wall, scratch my head and everything else.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2011, 11:07:44 AM »
.............
.. Mostly talking to girls, I'll look the ceiling, the floor, the wall, scratch my head and everything else.

-Auron are you crying too ?
-No ....i am just........fading away.......

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2011, 02:23:55 PM »
My ideal wedding would be flying to Las Vegas on a Friday and getting married that weekend without telling anyone.

I don't like the idea of big weddings with lots of people invited. They seem too show-offy for my tastes. It's our special day and I wouldn't want to have to share it with family members or bog it down with months of pre-planning for a single-day event that I could've purchased a car with. If I loved someone, proposed, and they accepted, I'd want to get married later that same week. Not six months in the future.

Yup, i agree about big wedding seem to show off (sadly it's become a tradition too in my place that wedding is a chance to show off), to me there's nothing sacred and romantic in a 'flashy' wedding with the bride and groom sit on podium as king & queen for a day while being watched by hundreds to thousands of guests. But i do want some family attend my wedding (IF i do get married oneday), not just registry wedding, because they're important to me (and it's also important for them to witness a big day of my life). A small private wedding in a truly special place for the couple (like in a museum, park, or somewhere in Vegas?) would be more meaningful rather than if it's held in big hall like most people do. It's already depressing to imagine from the preparation of a fancy wedding itself until a long exhausting ceremony with all the attention directly aimed on the bride and groom.

A complicated wedding preparation and ceremony could be a pleasant chance for anyone who likes being around friends, get recognitions, becoming a celebrity for a day, and things like that, but definitely not for people like us.. i think a wedding with less to no guests coming (except a few family) is even better.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2011, 07:35:50 PM »
I don't know, I think I've already lived with all my fears. I already know that I won't get to live a long life, since nobody loves me and I read a psychology book that said "we can't survive for very long unless we hear someone say I love you." I'll probably get diabetes and/or cancer while I'm young, or a heart attack at age 30.

My greatest fears are trying to enter a restaurant or fast food chain and being insulted by the cashiers there.  it happens all the time, especially in Jollibees and McDonalds' and KFCs. Only to me though. They laugh and smile while talking to other people but when they start talking to me they have this tired, annoyed, lets-get-this-thing-out-of-the-way look on their face. And people who sit all day long in cafeterias so that if I try to sit there, they'll immediately leave. And the insults that I receive from the house by the maids. Lots of things. My life sucks so bad I can't even type them all.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2011, 07:51:55 PM »
Shouldn't worry about the cashier thing. They do it to everyone. Absolutley everyone. Mostly. But if it really gets to you, just console yourself with the fact that they're earning minumum wage in a McJob. And them mateys that sit all day in a cafeteria? Forget about them. Like, do you really want to hang out with them? They proberbly just killing time. They see you coming to sit down to eat your lunch, they're just moving to give you some space, innit? If these are the things that trouble you, you can't be doing all that bad.

Also, you have housemaids? Man, that must really be awful...!

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2011, 08:54:14 PM »
Yeah I'm not doing so bad I guess... except for the friendless loser part.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2011, 08:57:00 PM »
There you go mate, things are looking up already.

Katrina

Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2011, 01:53:06 PM »
My greatest fears are trying to enter a restaurant or fast food chain and being insulted by the cashiers there.  it happens all the time, especially in Jollibees and McDonalds' and KFCs. Only to me though. They laugh and smile while talking to other people but when they start talking to me they have this tired, annoyed, lets-get-this-thing-out-of-the-way look on their face. And people who sit all day long in cafeterias so that if I try to sit there, they'll immediately leave. And the insults that I receive from the house by the maids. Lots of things. My life sucks so bad I can't even type them all.

Hey FarmGiraffe! About all that you said above....are you effing kidding me? I don't mean to be rude by saying that...I just mean that how can cashiers be rude to you...if they are, go complain to their freakin' manager and get them fired from them lousy job. They aren't supposed to treat customers like that. Anyway, I'm in Canada and the whole us being polite thing is not really just a stereotype..its really true. I hear & say TOO many please/thankyous on a daily basis and haven't come across any rude customer service people. Also, people leaving the cafeteria because of you..that could just be in your head. I mean how can you know that some strangers left because of you? As for the housemaids...ummm, dude, they work for you right? Fire their asses if they insult you! Its always best to have a 'take shit from no one' attitude, if you feel anyone is being condescending or insulting...stand up for yourself, they have no right to do it.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #15 on: June 21, 2011, 02:55:44 PM »
The cashiers insult me in a clandestine way. They don't directly tell me to get out of the restaurant. They give a mean stare here, a few whispers to someone else there, a big frown and an annoyed look on their face, they treat the other customers better, I mean, it's not easy to prove anything they do.

Well granted, it could just be in my head, it could not be. How come none of my blockmates in college and classmates in high school ever talked to me? And how come no one ever sits in the same row as me in a bus? Unless they have no choice. No one sits next to me at work either. They don't explain why, they just do it.

No, the housemaids work for my dad. They don't insult my dad, that's for sure. They only gang up on me when my dad isn't around. I don't really have enough money to hire maids of my own.

Katrina

Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #16 on: June 21, 2011, 03:09:18 PM »
^Hmmmm I see, I guess these people are just judging you by your appearance. There have been times when I don't sit next to a guy on a bus and skip the seat next to him because he looks like a creep/weird or just has 'that look' about him. I guess its unfortunate if people judge you because you look a certain way but the sad truth is that everyone does it. As far as you can tell, do you look particularly different than others around you? (hobo-esque clothing, strange coloured hair...dangerous looking tattoos?)

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #17 on: June 21, 2011, 03:15:28 PM »
I seem to make people feel uncomfortable or something like that. I don't really have any tatoos, and I wear regular civilian clothes.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #18 on: June 21, 2011, 03:23:07 PM »
'regular civilian clothes'? Sounds like you're trying to blend in after an assasination... heh
Maybe the mop jockeys and burger flippers are staring at you because you are watching them, waiting for their pointed looks and accusing fingers?
Maybe just try eating in Subway instead.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #19 on: June 21, 2011, 03:31:05 PM »
I already know that I won't get to live a long life, since nobody loves me and I read a psychology book that said "we can't survive for very long unless we hear someone say I love you." I'll probably get diabetes and/or cancer while I'm young, or a heart attack at age 30.

Good to know you put so much faith in junk science.  Your pessimistic attitude will put you in the grave faster than lack of adoration from others - now that has been documented.

Quote
Well granted, it could just be in my head, it could not be.

It probably is.   

 
Quote
How come none of my blockmates in college and classmates in high school ever talked to me? And how come no one ever sits in the same row as me in a bus? Unless they have no choice. No one sits next to me at work either. They don't explain why, they just do it.

Probably the same reason why people do it to me,  but it's a reason that neither of us will ever know, so there's no sense in ruminating.
Did you ever talk to these classmates?  Why do these instances bother you so much?



To kill one man is a sin.  To kill an elephant is to kill seven men.

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #20 on: June 21, 2011, 04:04:03 PM »
I seem to make people feel uncomfortable or something like that. I don't really have any tatoos, and I wear regular civilian clothes.

FarmGiraffe, I think you're really just being hyper-sensitive.  Cashiers have to serve hundreds of people everyday, they probably don't even notice one person from the next after awhile.  Try letting your guard down a bit - you seem to be suspicious of everybody.  I'm sure people don't dislike you as much as you think they do.  As you said, you act/dress/behave normally.
“Many homicidal lunatics are very quiet, unassuming people. Delightful fellows.”  Agatha Christie

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #21 on: June 21, 2011, 04:31:53 PM »
Yeah, I'm pessimistic. I guess that IS a problem, on account of how my life isn't so bad currently, but there are still many problems and issues I'm dealing with, which are really affecting my mood. I just need more time to think things through, I suppose.

It's not really in my head, many people have said that they just can't talk to me, I'm virtually unapproachable. Some say I make them feel shy or something or feel awkward or something.

Yes, I talked to my classmates. They responded, but not before I approached them first. It bothers me because I am looking for acknowledgment and love and acceptance and a sense of belonging, but I can't seem to find those anywhere.

Yeah I might be a tad bit paranoid/suspicious of everybody. I guess not all the cashiers are mean to me, just in many places, but not all. There is one KFC in particular that has cashiers that seem to like me.

Katrina

Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #22 on: June 21, 2011, 04:39:50 PM »

It's not really in my head, many people have said that they just can't talk to me, I'm virtually unapproachable. Some say I make them feel shy or something or feel awkward or something.


Ok, I don't mean this is in a mean way...just being honest, but even over the internet you always come across as a very bitter and pessimistic person and not many people want to associate with that. I'm not a ball of joy myself and definitely have my down days when I sound like a depressive person who has lost all hope in life but that's just on SOME days, other days I'm fairly happy. If you're really sick of not being accepted and long to be loved then maybe its time to make some changes, try to be happier, more positive, talk about what you're passionate about...so people can see the fun side to you instead of the sad one. I know you can't change yourself at the snap of a finger, maybe it'll take time...but work on it?

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Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #23 on: June 21, 2011, 04:51:54 PM »
True. I almost never smile in real life really. I'm generally bitter because my life sucks among other things. But I'll do my best to be more optimistic.

Katrina

Re: What are your biggest fears about being a loner?
« Reply #24 on: June 21, 2011, 05:07:10 PM »
^Glad to hear that! :-) I know the prospect of being alone forever is pretty scary for most of us, it makes us bitter, sad, scared, angry.... but once you're a loner you have to accept that it is what it is....there is no magical way of having that life you always wanted, to have a perfect group of friends, the best gf/bf, to be popular and loved...in the end the only way you can be happy is if you make peace with your situation and stop feeling so bad about it...stop over thinking it and don't make it the focus of your life. I feel as bad as you do sometimes and this is what I tell myself....to just get over it and focus on other stuff. Easier said than done but all we can do is give it a shot.