Author Topic: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?  (Read 790 times)

Gooseberry

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Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« on: September 28, 2017, 10:28:01 PM »
By the word 'Loner', I would like to define it as that person who is introverted in both mind and actions - now don't get me wrong. I know that sounds like some hogwash, but if we were to think of just ourselves, or if we continue to think of incidents in which other people are not even present, then I think that person can get 'detached' from the idea/state of being a social animal.

If I think a lot, and I have no interest in mingling with others, then according to the above definition, I would be 'physically' a loner(i.e, introverted in actions). But if the thoughts were to be focussed on something completely otherworldly, like a fictional world where there are no humans at all(except maybe for himself), then that person could be introverted in mind as well - his/her focus is completely fixed towards analysing the various ideas in the mind, and is thus, focussed towards themselves - in such a manner that there is no need for social interaction... at least to a restricted amount.

The person would have to go through a lot of bouts of depression, if he were to end up like the above paragraph describes. But that's just the definition that comes to my mind, when I think of the word 'loner'.


Being left alone for so much time, I think the thoughts of getting a good friend itself, seems to be a Sisyphean task. The standards which are expected to be present in a 'friend', just seems to soar higher and higher, that no one seems to fit the description now. But then again, the fault is mine, as it is simply wrong to expect a doppelgänger of myself, to be present somewhere in the world. The stupidity has been realised.

But then what of the 'loner' -ness. I have given this a deep thought, and it seems it's highly unlikely, that having a good and reliable friend is possible, taking into consideration what most of us loners think(I'm not generalising) - of actually finding a person who understands and appreciates you.

The questions that came to my mind, were quite surprising, as they had some truth in them.

Would I be happy if I had gotten a true friend, who would be fun to talk with, and etc...?  I really must admit that the answer was firstly a simple 'no'. But now, as I think deeper, I can already find flaws in the type of thinking, which may have led to me to say 'no'. The feeling of doing everything by yourself, and achieving your goals with your skills alone, makes you fell really special and elated.

But then, would I enjoy it in the same manner as before, if I had found a good person to work alongside with? I would really like that to happen, but a gloomy, yet vivid image comes to mind:

That feeling of need for loneliness, which haunts you after you get a 'good friend'. There would be constant comparisons with the previous 'life', and then, there would be the question as to whether the person with whom you are spending time with, is actually a dead weight, and whether the person is more of burden to deal with...more of a prison.

And then, there is the welcoming thought of you yourself, just sitting alone, and having no worries at all. So sorry for ranting on, but I feel really sleepy. But the final thought is this: Are all those thoughts of finding an ideal friend, just a fallacy? Of course, it would be subjective to a degree, but then again, what's the point of a loner, trying to find a 'good friend', if he/she prefers to remain alone... maybe the person him/herself isn't aware of the fact that she/he would do better alone. Or, maybe the loner isn't aware of the feeling they would get, after spending time with such an 'ideal friend'.   /sleepy.......  :icon_sleep:

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2017, 01:35:27 AM »
Quote
Are Loners Best Left Just Like That: As Loners?

In my case, yes, absolutely.

I can't stand to be around other people. I'd be happy to be the only person on the planet.

I don't like the sound of them or the rudeness or the narcissism of them. I don't like the smell and the obnoxious behavior of them.

Christopher Knight, the North Pond hermit on modern life -

Quote
I don't think I'm going to fit in.

It's too loud. Too colorful. The lack of aesthetics. The crudeness. The inanities. The trivia.

I'm right there with him although, in his shoes, I'd have done things a bit differently.

On the other hand, a lot of animals would be great, just not Homo sapiens.

It's extremely hard for me to exist in modern society. I hate it and everything it represents - bread and circuses.

Gooseberry

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2017, 04:21:51 PM »
But still, isn't there some sort of happiness gained from a conversation, which you have with a person who fits your definition of 'good'? For example, Person A is a person who you view as capable of understanding you, and proves to be a trustworthy guy as well. What if  this particular Person A, is someone who is just like you, and is a loner as well - he understands everything about being a loner - the difficulties, the depression, the challenges, and all that.

My interest would lie exactly right there. Would the Loner, be happy after he/she gets another friend, who is just like him/herself?  The friend doesn't necessarily need to be like the loner himself, but then again, would the life spent together be a life that would be more satisfying and enjoyable? What if the Loner had the one-in-a-million lucky chance of finding yet another person, who fits his own description of a reliable friend?  Would that also be a life that holds more potential for self realisation?

In my experience, being a pleasant person itself, can ease the depression a little. I know some very close family members, who are really annoying in reality, but I try to forget that, and act all happy around them - I know being grumpy would only worsen the situation.

But once you find someone who is capable of being that good friend, then I constantly think of the above question again and again. Would the person be actually more helpful to self realisation?

I can relate to how it can sound to have more potentiality to self realisation, for some people, to remain completely alone. But won't depression and anxiety just continue to nag you endlessly?

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2017, 01:06:46 AM »
I had a best friend for 35 years. One day I became extremely ill and that illness continued for several years.

My best friend dumped me. She didn't want to deal with my illness, which was not contagious.

Recently, at another forum, a man wanted to be friends with me, but became nasty when I would not confide on his terms. Needless to say, I'm glad I did not.

I have been betrayed too many times to count.

I'm done with Homo sapiens.

I do what makes me happy and, more importantly, protects me.

The world is a dangerous place, especially for women and children.

The best place for me is deep in my castle, moat full of great whites, drawbridge up, portcullis down.

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2017, 11:05:18 PM »
Hmm just as a thought... I always get this picture, when you speak of castles, moats, and drawbridges:

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/883127278034439011/A9C07BE70FAAF28D0826DB4BC57DCF773D6DFBF8/

Although I'm not old enough to say I'm experienced or anything, I think being a loner can improve oneself a lot - especially the introspective part, which automatically takes place, once you start to face all the depression, and of course, all those moments in which you start to realise who you really are.

I actually feel really better after knowing myself more, and I also feel I don't have to fear or worry unnecessarily about stuff, once I've thought of how I'm going to react to a particular situation. To me, introspection alone, can be one of the sole reasons for remaining as a loner - but it isn't in any ways, the only one.

lonesomebadger

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2017, 05:59:46 AM »
In my case, yes, absolutely.

I can't stand to be around other people. I'd be happy to be the only person on the planet.

I don't like the sound of them or the rudeness or the narcissism of them. I don't like the smell and the obnoxious behavior of them.

Christopher Knight, the North Pond hermit on modern life -

I'm right there with him although, in his shoes, I'd have done things a bit differently.

On the other hand, a lot of animals would be great, just not Homo sapiens.

It's extremely hard for me to exist in modern society. I hate it and everything it represents - bread and circuses.
   Just the way I feel. I would love to have a small cabin and land somewhere where I can be what I am, a misanthrope.

jeremiah

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2017, 05:15:45 AM »
I'm a little ambivalent about the question, but not painfully.  I think it's a continuum question.  I am happy being alone about 99% of the time, but I do have "fantasies" of being in ideal social situations, most of which involve having an intelligent conversations with somebody who shares my beliefs and values, or at least some of them.  So I do seek out these situations, but most fizzle, and even when they're close to my ideal, they drain me to a dry husk.  This doesn't mean the person I socialized with is bad, or a bore or anything.  The convo and interaction may have been pretty good.  It's just the usual introvert reaction.

So I sort of dabble in finding friends/comrades/activity partners, but not with any huge expectation that I'm going to find a lifelong soulmate or anything.  I do like to do things, and sometimes doing them with another half-way intelligent person, preferably another reserved introvert/schizoid like myself, is better than doing them alone.  Sometimes it's less effort, less work.

I had cats and dogs my whole life.  Most were strays.  It's a part of American culture.  And I loved these animals.  Many of my cats lived into their 20's.  But since my last little dog died, a scruffy little poodle that adored me, I can't take the grief of losing them to death any more.  I was crushed when he died.  I was sick with grief, and I still feel tremendous guilt when I think about it, which I try not to do.

Also, and I know this is selfish, but even animals, even pets could "crowd" me the same way people can.  In my later years, I almost felt burdened just by their presence.  I know that's sick, but it's just how I felt.

The same with my younger brother, one of my very few friends in the world and a very compassionate, non-judgmental person.  He comes over and visits once in a while and I begin to feel "crowded" by him.  I would prefer not to be this way.  I feel bad about it.  He's done so much for me.  I truly would be alone if it weren't for him, but I don't know, I guess it's some kind of schizoid thing.

So I'm about 1% open to finding "friends" to talk with and do meaningful things with.   But that's me.  I don't fault anybody else for preferring 100% solitude.  To each his own.

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2017, 03:20:34 PM »
I can relate with the sense of being 'crowded' by someone. I'm actually trying my best to get rid of that feeling, as I'm working on trying to be more like an 'ambivert'. It's more like an experiment. I'm trying to find, out whether I have the capability to be truly free in a social situation, or not.

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2018, 08:03:19 PM »
I cant live without social interaction & humor, to me laughing is the best medicine for the soul, on the same time spending time around people is draining energy either... thats why all of my friends are cybers.
I <3 Loners-Club.com

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2018, 06:37:23 AM »
Yes
I am  a loner due to the drug epidemic.

LorriePaige

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Re: Are Loners best left just like that: As Loners?
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2018, 12:14:32 PM »
I'm a loner; I don't have any friends at all except an ex-boyfriend, and that's fine with me but I like having acquaintances in my life.

There will always be people around you somewhere so I'm glad I don't dislike people because if I did, that would be an unfortunate situation given I couldn't do anything about that.