Author Topic: Perfectionism  (Read 183 times)

Gooseberry

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Perfectionism
« on: September 22, 2017, 11:28:33 PM »
While it is a very good friend, it can be one of your worst enemies in the most dangerous time periods. That's my experience of perfectionism. Being a self-aware perfectionist for more than about two years, I think perfectionism is something which everyone should 'include' in their lifestyles.

The problems started when, like I mentioned before, I started to 'notice' that I was being slightly over - perfectionistic. I remember thinking whether I should just succumb to the idea of 'doing things' in a rather forced manner, which would yield great results, yet make me feel exerted and aversive to that particular act. But after getting out more, and going through a lot of 'spiritual fix ups' as of late, I believe I've gained more control over myself than before. I can enjoy stuff without thinking of the guilt I'd feel for breaking the routine, and what's more, I'm able to actually cut off things which I actually disliked, rather than force myself to go through the particular act.

But recently, I'm still getting sort of moody about one thing: Daily Exercise. I really, really want to be fit, and also need to keep up with some of the vows I took some few years ago. And besides that, I know I will keep on gaining weight and unhealthy if I stop it. But everyday, I wake up, and that very feeling of laziness and aversion comes to my mind. About all the bends and squats and.... all of that.

However, a recent incident has given me further motivation to keep on doing it. I slipped and fell hardly on my right knee, and I thought I had actually gotten a broken knee, but thanks to some nice knee exercises I've been doing for more than a month, the pain eased just after a few days. And no broken knees as well. I felt that feeling of great satisfaction, which you get when you make a very decisive move in some game of chess.

Overall, I think perfectionism is, actually a very good friend, when we personify the word. It helps a lot, but you just need to take control at the right time. I remember being completely under it's control, but that got my parents worried and all. But eventually, due to a lot of free time, I got the opportunity for a lot of introspection. And that's how I actually managed all the spiritual fix ups. But still, I really do know that it can go wrong easily.

Are you a perfectionist? How did you manage the difficulties? Did you get a proper grip on yourself, or did you sort of lose yourself, like I did? Do you think it has helped you achieve a lot of important things?

Book

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2017, 12:00:56 AM »
While it is a very good friend, it can be one of your worst enemies in the most dangerous time periods. That's my experience of perfectionism. Being a self-aware perfectionist for more than about two years, I think perfectionism is something which everyone should 'include' in their lifestyles.

The problems started when, like I mentioned before, I started to 'notice' that I was being slightly over - perfectionistic. I remember thinking whether I should just succumb to the idea of 'doing things' in a rather forced manner, which would yield great results, yet make me feel exerted and aversive to that particular act. But after getting out more, and going through a lot of 'spiritual fix ups' as of late, I believe I've gained more control over myself than before. I can enjoy stuff without thinking of the guilt I'd feel for breaking the routine, and what's more, I'm able to actually cut off things which I actually disliked, rather than force myself to go through the particular act.

But recently, I'm still getting sort of moody about one thing: Daily Exercise. I really, really want to be fit, and also need to keep up with some of the vows I took some few years ago. And besides that, I know I will keep on gaining weight and unhealthy if I stop it. But everyday, I wake up, and that very feeling of laziness and aversion comes to my mind. About all the bends and squats and.... all of that.

However, a recent incident has given me further motivation to keep on doing it. I slipped and fell hardly on my right knee, and I thought I had actually gotten a broken knee, but thanks to some nice knee exercises I've been doing for more than a month, the pain eased just after a few days. And no broken knees as well. I felt that feeling of great satisfaction, which you get when you make a very decisive move in some game of chess.

Overall, I think perfectionism is, actually a very good friend, when we personify the word. It helps a lot, but you just need to take control at the right time. I remember being completely under it's control, but that got my parents worried and all. But eventually, due to a lot of free time, I got the opportunity for a lot of introspection. And that's how I actually managed all the spiritual fix ups. But still, I really do know that it can go wrong easily.

Are you a perfectionist? How did you manage the difficulties? Did you get a proper grip on yourself, or did you sort of lose yourself, like I did? Do you think it has helped you achieve a lot of important things?

I'm the daughter of an OCD perfectionist. I had two siblings and, of course, my father. We were assaulted and stabbed by Mother for failing to meet her standards. We walked on eggs from infancy and learned her special brand organization, which we carried on into adulthood. Every day was an endless exercise of dust, wash, clean, wax, sweep, mow, trim, paint, organize. Go to bed, get up, and do it all over again.

Long story short, it ruined our adult relationships until we relaxed our standards and became fairly normal human beings. My brother was a tyrant in his marriage. His family hated him. After the divorce his children wanted nothing to do with him.

My sister and I are spinsters with clean homes and no husbands.

In my experience, perfectionism is poison.
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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2017, 11:34:43 AM »
Here's experience..you mentioned dangerous, well I guess all depends on your perception.  If I'm guessing correctly and you don't feel like sysophus....then life will be everything you want for the most part.  If you do feel instinctively as a sysophus type, that's where there is a dark side, you'll eventually burn out, because ego is driving the action.  I'm only saying this was my exp and very  being so.  I'm still learning to down and keep it simple ..it's like I went 1000 mph for years never knowing it was all in the wrong direction because I was a lost soul, literally.

Gooseberry

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2017, 10:42:10 PM »
 :huh:

I wonder what happened to my earlier post. Has it gotten completely deleted??? Anyways...

Just like I said in the deleted post, it can be like a powerful drug. I think, just 'using' the skills in being perfectionistic itself, can help one achieve great feats. Although it is helpful, the person should know when exactly he should stop the perfectionism. But then again, being a slave to some sort of 'superior being' within oneself, is, in itself, vulnerable to some sort of injury - sooner or later. I can assure that with experience, just like many others can.

As for the part where you mentioned that it is being driven by ego... that's a nice point of view. Thanks for the insight.

@Book:  Reading your post, it seems to make sense, and I definitely have a strong conviction that other people can easily get badly affected by over-perfectionists. When paired with a family, I can relate as to how the other members can get harmed by the actions of the perfectionist. It's really frustrating when someone else's ideals and standards are thrust upon yourself, and that too, with the other person expecting you to cope with them like anything else.

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2017, 10:54:58 PM »
Gooseberry,

I see all your posts in this thread. I don't know why you aren't seeing any particular one.

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Gooseberry

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2017, 01:16:03 PM »
Ah I see, then it might be my browser's problem. I'm using Opera, but I've been getting messages about an 'Internal Server Error' or something. The problem might be related to the  server, or my browser, as I've been recently experiencing a sort of delay in loading particular pages - most of the time, it's just here in LC. Oh, and sorry for the late reply, I couldn't post yesterday, let alone load the page. The problem occasionally used to be there while using Firefox, but I'm sure it's not anything serious.
 

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2017, 06:31:07 AM »
Ah I see, then it might be my browser's problem. I'm using Opera, but I've been getting messages about an 'Internal Server Error' or something. The problem might be related to the  server, or my browser, as I've been recently experiencing a sort of delay in loading particular pages - most of the time, it's just here in LC. Oh, and sorry for the late reply, I couldn't post yesterday, let alone load the page. The problem occasionally used to be there while using Firefox, but I'm sure it's not anything serious.

It's more than likely to be the forum. I've asked the owner to update the software over the past year, but it hasn't been done yet.
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jeremiah

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2017, 06:28:14 AM »
I seem to be very lax in many areas of my life, to lax in fact, with a few areas I'm almost insanely perfectionist or obsessive-compulsive about.  Do I have the right balance?

I try to run twice a week, but it's usually so hard to just get myself out the door, I tell myself to just take it easy and not over exert myself.  I start out at a jog if that's all I feel I can do, and sometimes, I get bursts of energy that breaks me into a run.

I'm trying to stretch and massage my muscles, but that's usually sporadic and half-hearted.  But I think it's better than nothing and that it helps.

I'm trying to clean up, organize and "decorate" my old house, but this effort's been going on for years with very little progress.  But hope springs eternal.

I've got rooms full of half-abandoned---a few, I'm sure, completely forgotten---projects, a few of which I finish from time to time.  Mostly reading and writing.  I've got a half-finished bookcase in my dining room.

I am pretty obsessive-compulsive about my personal grooming and dental hygience.

The motto I guess I live by now is, "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good", and maybe also, "Perseverance".  Keep on chuggin' along, but rest if you have to.  (Bizarrely, I even have to make a deliberate to relax and enjoy myself.)

So maybe I'm 50% lax, 49% anxious, and 1% perfectionists.  I'm not sure how I ought to improve on those percentages.

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Re: Perfectionism
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2017, 10:12:01 PM »

The motto I guess I live by now is, "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good", and maybe also, "Perseverance".  Keep on chuggin' along, but rest if you have to.  (Bizarrely, I even have to make a deliberate to relax and enjoy myself.)

So maybe I'm 50% lax, 49% anxious, and 1% perfectionists.  I'm not sure how I ought to improve on those percentages.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. Keep on chuggin' along, but rest if you have to... it always comes up in my mind, and now, I'm really careful so as to not let the perfectionism take over my life - I mean, looking back, it seems to have helped me achieve a lot of difficult tasks, even though there were many possible hurdles along the way. I just dig in, and come out successful.

It's really interesting to think whether the perfectionism was the main force behind the achievement of the task. I mean, would it not have been possible, if I had actually tried to do things without all the 'perfectionist' actions? Such questions cause anxiety, and I think they are best avoided  :confused:

But no. I believe it's all hard work, and I take due credit. That way, it is actually you yourself, who accomplish the task, and not some 'external factor'.

Regarding exercise, I usually end up reading a lot of articles about health some times, during the week, and I feel sort of happy and satisfied that I'm doing my part in keeping myself healthy - it's incredible how easy it sounds to live, if you keep yourself away from all those life threatening diseases...