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Author Topic: Relatives....  (Read 110 times)

Angel Embrace

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Relatives....
« on: April 25, 2017, 12:28:37 AM »
Do you have relatives that create an issue for you in any way?
For me, I have relatives that are quick to anger and lack understanding and it bothers me....
Plus I feel closed up when I'm around them.
I feel like we're from two VERY different worlds and they intimidate me...
They're not afraid to speak their minds and give it their all. It's really all or nothing for them, even when it comes to their opinion on people. If you don't use your smarts, then you're condemned. They are the types that have trouble letting go and trouble forgiving.
They are really intense people, not that easygoing...

I know I get airheaded and dumb sometimes, so they really scare me...
I'm surprisingly the black sheep of my family lol. Though they don't know it because I keep myself quiet and polite. But my true self goes against their traditions and ideal.
I believe that everyone has a story so we should be nice and understanding.
They, on the other hand, like to think the worse of people and when someone does them wrong, they want to talk them down and show them a lesson.
Being emotional or sensitive is not valued.
They like it if you're tough, direct, aggressive, outspoken, and funny...

If you do something wrong, even if it's trivial, it's like you've entered world war 3 with them. That's how scary they are. They don't like backing down from a fight.

And it bothers me that they keep pointing all the bad when watching movies. It's like nothing's good unless it's absolutely perfect (and smart). =\
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." ~ Romans 12:2

jeremiah

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Re: Relatives....
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2017, 07:41:48 AM »
I started feeling very awkward around my family by the time I was in my late 20's.  I think I became more and more schizoid as I got older.  One thing, I just had ideas and values that were so different from theirs.  I could never communicate my inner life to them, and they could never understand it.

I can't deny that when I was young and in my teens and twenties, I was kind of a hellion with all my grandiose ideals.  I was often sulky and disgruntled.  I'm sure I could be a very difficult person.  I don't know.  My family is "society" and I've always had a grudge against society.  Society and I don't get along.

So at this point I feel totally alienated from my family, as I do from just about everybody.  I have a very cynical, sarcastic mindset that I have to keep under wraps.  You tell me,  "Just be yourself!"  I'm sorry, you're not thinking.  I've already done that with disastrous results.  I've learned a few things.

I often feel very guilty and remorseful how I avoid my family.  They've done a lot for me and they've tried to be good to me.  I always think, trying to soothe my guilt with a "pep talk"---"I'll make it up to them one of these days.  We'll have a nice visit, and I'll dredge up every gram of niceness and goodness I have in me.  I'll try to thaw my cold, cold heart..."

I don't know if it'll ever happen.

Angel Embrace

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Re: Relatives....
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2017, 05:15:13 AM »
I started feeling very awkward around my family by the time I was in my late 20's.  I think I became more and more schizoid as I got older.  One thing, I just had ideas and values that were so different from theirs.  I could never communicate my inner life to them, and they could never understand it.

I can't deny that when I was young and in my teens and twenties, I was kind of a hellion with all my grandiose ideals.  I was often sulky and disgruntled.  I'm sure I could be a very difficult person.  I don't know.  My family is "society" and I've always had a grudge against society.  Society and I don't get along.

So at this point I feel totally alienated from my family, as I do from just about everybody.  I have a very cynical, sarcastic mindset that I have to keep under wraps.  You tell me,  "Just be yourself!"  I'm sorry, you're not thinking.  I've already done that with disastrous results.  I've learned a few things.

I often feel very guilty and remorseful how I avoid my family.  They've done a lot for me and they've tried to be good to me.  I always think, trying to soothe my guilt with a "pep talk"---"I'll make it up to them one of these days.  We'll have a nice visit, and I'll dredge up every gram of niceness and goodness I have in me.  I'll try to thaw my cold, cold heart..."

I don't know if it'll ever happen.

I'm sorry about that. I know how hard it is to have thoughts that contrast or clash too much with your own family. To be able to explain my views to them will be like trying to talk to a fish.
And that's the thing. If they're a fish, then water is for them. If I'm a human, air is for me.
I let them be them, but I wish they'd let me, be me...

I do however have family members that support me, so I cannot completely understand where you're coming from. I can only imagine the frustration of not being understood, or even accepted.

I've mentioned I live in a society where the surface and quality matters most, I've been in a position of hating what wasn't me, what I didn't like. But I only saw how much that hurt me. So I focused on things that angered me less, that's how I tried to combat my inner hate. I told myself I don't want to live with animosity inside me, over and over again I thought it, eventually, I've started on this path, which I'm currently on, which is to love more, to find more of what will make me happy.

I found one of my anger came from being unable to express myself and not having a purpose. I'm still working on it, but Rome wasn't built in a day....If I want to build myself up and even build up a new passion or a new mindset, it's going to take lots of time.

Anyways, this was mostly about me, I'm sorry.

I hope you'll get that day you've been wanting. I'm also hoping for a certain moment, if it ever happens, to come as well...

If I may ask, I was wondering, what makes you happy? or at least, what do you like?
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." ~ Romans 12:2