login

Author Topic: How Not to Want Approval, Acceptance, and Attention from Other People  (Read 230 times)

randomamazingperson

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 223
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To randomamazingperson
  • Karma: 15
  • A/S/L : 30/Female/California, USA
  • I am : Cool Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
  • My loner philosophy : I can have fun on my own, create happiness without others, and still welcome company without needing it.
I'll update you all on where I am now relevant to the subject of feeling invisible or lacking self-esteem because some people may be in a similar situation to how I felt when I started that thread. They may want to know how I overcame it. Time helped. I learned more, I experienced more. I became capable of being aware of my thoughts as they arose, stopped them, then I said more realistic and positive thoughts in my mind. I challenge any destructive and unhelpful thoughts to determine if there are truths in them. Most often, they are thoughts caused by my assumptions, predictions, judgments, evaluations, interpretations, and perceptions of people. To combat coming up with negative reasons for why people responded to me the way they did, I also come up with positive reasons, then I accept that I donít truly know their actual reasons. If they did it to harm me, then I believe they did it because theyíre having a bad moment, they may be hurting so they want to hurt someone else, they did it by accident, and/or they donít like me for some reason. If they did it to help me, Iím appreciative. I donít care anymore if someone likes me or doesnít like me because what matters to me is liking myself. Iím happy that Iím the best friend to myself, who I wanted someone else to be for me back then. Iím able to give myself the attention, love, acceptance, understanding, care, and other positive actions I want that I previously wanted others to give me. I fulfill all of my needs and wants; I donít look for satisfying them from other people. Iím strong, self-reliant, and independent. Be your own role model.  :icon_ninja:
Long lasting happiness is created from within--accepting yourself as you are, not needing to change or do anything; loving, understanding, listening to, & being kind & compassionate to yourself; & knowing that you aren't damaged, defective, incomplete, lacking, or missing something, & you're normal.

Kipperbang12

  • Drifter
  • **
  • Posts: 576
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Kipperbang12
  • Karma: 10
  • This whole "imaginary underground" got me thinking
  • A/S/L : 18/m/uk
  • I am : Just a Loner by Choice
  • Loner Personality: ISFP (The Artist)
  • My loner philosophy : loners are the cool ones ;)
  • Status Update: bug infested floorboards - can we leave this place now?
be your own role model, is a cheesy, yet truthful quote, it's something i'll keep in mind  /hippie

Russell

  • Lurking Crowd
  • *
  • Posts: 2
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Russell
  • Karma: 0
  • A/S/L : 33 m nc
  • I am : Social Misfit Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTP (The Thinker)
  • My loner philosophy : None
That makes a lot of sense. I just crave having friends who i can be myself with in person though. I think maybe its instinct to have friends. I just never seem to fit in. Ive tried not trying. And ive tried trying. I think it might be a slight personality disorder on my part but still i would think i could find some like minded people. Any ideas?

Book

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 566
  • 500000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Book
  • Karma: 15
  • WISE Division
  • I am : Extreme Loner (i'm here neither to make friends nor enemies)
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
I'd call my philosophy on the subject of this thread respectful hedonism.

I do things to please myself rather than others, but I am always cognizant of the boundaries and rights of others. The end result is that I am not bowing to the impulse for acceptance or attention.

It's taken decades for me to get to this point so, if you're young, it may be a while before you achieve your goal.

Book /read
Quote
History . . . is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake.

randomamazingperson

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 223
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To randomamazingperson
  • Karma: 15
  • A/S/L : 30/Female/California, USA
  • I am : Cool Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
  • My loner philosophy : I can have fun on my own, create happiness without others, and still welcome company without needing it.
I'd call my philosophy on the subject of this thread respectful hedonism.

I do things to please myself rather than others, but I am always cognizant of the boundaries and rights of others. The end result is that I am not bowing to the impulse for acceptance or attention.

It's taken decades for me to get to this point so, if you're young, it may be a while before you achieve your goal.

Book /read

Yeah, I'm at the point of not caring about how others perceive me. I don't seek their acceptance or attention either. I go about my life without considering how I look to other people.
Long lasting happiness is created from within--accepting yourself as you are, not needing to change or do anything; loving, understanding, listening to, & being kind & compassionate to yourself; & knowing that you aren't damaged, defective, incomplete, lacking, or missing something, & you're normal.

Book

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 566
  • 500000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Book
  • Karma: 15
  • WISE Division
  • I am : Extreme Loner (i'm here neither to make friends nor enemies)
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
Yeah, I'm at the point of not caring about how others perceive me. I don't seek their acceptance or attention either. I go about my life without considering how I look to other people.

Now all you need is a Hawaiian shirt and you're good to go.    :tongue:
Quote
History . . . is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake.

randomamazingperson

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 223
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To randomamazingperson
  • Karma: 15
  • A/S/L : 30/Female/California, USA
  • I am : Cool Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
  • My loner philosophy : I can have fun on my own, create happiness without others, and still welcome company without needing it.
Now all you need is a Hawaiian shirt and you're good to go.    :tongue:

Haha. :cheesy: If only it were my style. Wearing that without the intention of receiving attention, but still receiving attention is the irony. I like to look good for myself so I wear something that fits me, feels comfortable, and doesn't scream, "Look at me!"
Long lasting happiness is created from within--accepting yourself as you are, not needing to change or do anything; loving, understanding, listening to, & being kind & compassionate to yourself; & knowing that you aren't damaged, defective, incomplete, lacking, or missing something, & you're normal.

Sil Ver Quin

  • LC Regular
  • ***
  • Posts: 1636
  • 30000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Sil Ver Quin
  • Karma: 415
  • Boom!
  • I am : Loner by nature
  • Loner Personality: ISFP (The Artist)
  • My loner philosophy : if it makes me happy then why not ?
  • Status Update: This is the best forum in the internet... :)
I'll update you all on where I am now relevant to the subject of feeling invisible or lacking self-esteem because some people may be in a similar situation to how I felt when I started that thread. They may want to know how I overcame it. Time helped. I learned more, I experienced more. I became capable of being aware of my thoughts as they arose, stopped them, then I said more realistic and positive thoughts in my mind. I challenge any destructive and unhelpful thoughts to determine if there are truths in them. Most often, they are thoughts caused by my assumptions, predictions, judgments, evaluations, interpretations, and perceptions of people. To combat coming up with negative reasons for why people responded to me the way they did, I also come up with positive reasons, then I accept that I donít truly know their actual reasons. If they did it to harm me, then I believe they did it because theyíre having a bad moment, they may be hurting so they want to hurt someone else, they did it by accident, and/or they donít like me for some reason. If they did it to help me, Iím appreciative. I donít care anymore if someone likes me or doesnít like me because what matters to me is liking myself. Iím happy that Iím the best friend to myself, who I wanted someone else to be for me back then. Iím able to give myself the attention, love, acceptance, understanding, care, and other positive actions I want that I previously wanted others to give me. I fulfill all of my needs and wants; I donít look for satisfying them from other people. Iím strong, self-reliant, and independent. Be your own role model.  :icon_ninja:

Thank you for sharing it with us.
I <3 Loners-Club.com