Author Topic: Do you attract people who are... different?  (Read 323 times)

Kaffee

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Do you attract people who are... different?
« on: September 20, 2014, 05:30:26 AM »
And I'm talking about two types of different here:

1) Other loners, weirdos, etc. Kindred spirits who sense that you're also living an alternative life.

2) Troubled people. Unconscious manipulators, codependents, and those going through tragedies.

I find that I attract both, which has had its pros and its cons. On one hand, I met my significant other because of my penchant for sniffing out people like us. On the other hand, I attract people who suck up massive amounts of my time and energy and leave behind messes.

A long time ago I gave up trying to be "normal" and do normal people things like going out on weekends, calling friends when I get home from work, and taking my lunch with others, but every now and then I invite people in or welcome them in. They're always one of the two.

When I was younger I often got into turbulent friendships and relationships with the second until I learned how to detect them early and defend myself. I changed my behavior, my mannerisms, and my dress in order to not appear as a good source of sympathy or someone easy to control. Still, some of the people I wind up inviting in have non-obvious emotional problems that mean I have to end the friendship for my own well-being, and it leaves me more and more discouraged about being in contact with others at all.

I guess like attracts like works on multiple levels.

EdgeCrusher

Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2014, 07:56:40 AM »
Sometimes. I think it's both weird and normal people because I am quiet and I'm not mean to people.
I on the other hand, am attracted the "different" ones. They make life so much more interesting. Sometimes I think that the different ones are the "real" ones because they are just being themselves instead of trying to fit in like the "normal" ones.
I'd rather have a mind open with wonder, than one closed with belief.
You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same.

Idonthaveausername

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2014, 08:46:18 AM »
Edge Crusher makes a really good point. Here is how my life has been:

I do attract weird people, because I appreciate them.
I also attract people with problems because they realize that I am good listener so they can ask me for help. Sometimes I can soothe them, but other times I can't. If I couldn't help, that is because they won't take the advice and eliminate every option every time I give them one.

Usually with people I have been really close with, we could talk about anything and everything without getting butthurt and it would be amazing. I started college and the only actual friend I have is my roommate. It takes me a while to make friends too.

What are aspects that makes people attracted to me? Hmmm... I can't say nor have I thought about it...

ilovepitou

Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2014, 03:33:52 PM »
On a related note, I have been thinking about why I generally don't like people who are desperate for friends. Which is a type of person that I am attracting a lot. I think I am put off by them, because I can't help but feel that they don't actually like me, they just like my friendship. I suppose I feel like they are taking advantage of me in a weird way. It is hard to write out in words what I mean. No offense to any lonely people who want friends on here. Though I like other weird people, like there is a guy who is a history major and I like listening to him talk, because he is not afraid to talk about his passion. I generally don't care for history, but he makes it exciting. Today, he told me that he can usually tell around what time it is and what is going on when he looks at the world map, by looking at how Europe changes.

Azure Potato

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2014, 10:44:59 PM »
Sometimes. I think it's both weird and normal people because I am quiet and I'm not mean to people.
I on the other hand, am attracted the "different" ones. They make life so much more interesting. Sometimes I think that the different ones are the "real" ones because they are just being themselves instead of trying to fit in like the "normal" ones.

+1
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot - Eleanor Roosevelt

emussel

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2014, 08:39:42 AM »
I haven't had any friends were anything but different....in.....ever? Did I ever have a "normal" friend? I don't think so. It's funny....looking back my friends and whatnot...they were all different. Always. I'm different and thus my friends are different. That is what attracts me....different. I have one friend who wants to be normal....wants desperately to be normal...asks me "Am I normal?" All the time....and yet he looks normal....acts normal....but he's not normal....he's an abstract artist who hears voices in his head....not normal. But he is the closest to normal of all the friends I can think of. Me? I don't care to be normal....I'm a misfit....I like other misfits.

Who do I attract? I don't know....they've all been so different from each other having only in common the fact that they were different. What's my type? Different.

jeremiah

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2014, 01:25:44 AM »
I don't think I attract anybody.  I repel them.  I'm not being bitter about that, just bluntly honest.  I'm serious, self-absorbed, boring, fanatical.

Although I know in the eyes of "society", I'm "weird", I'm "different", I only use these descriptions to describe their point of view, not mine.  There's a term---and please don't see this as racist, it's absolutely not---the white man's n****r.  I refuse to be the "normal man's" weirdo.  His clown.  His jester.  His poor sweet sad old soul.

I hope my writing and works will live on.  And they'll go down in history with Bierce, Twain, Kafka, Van Gogh and all the rest.  Down through the ages, we have our own dissenter society, that's just as valid as any other, if not more so.

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2016, 09:14:13 AM »
Respectfully, I'm a tomboy, so lesbians keep trying to recruit me.

It's very annoying.
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Oblivion

Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2016, 08:10:37 PM »
All my friends were at least somewhat "different". A couple of them had learning disabilities and all the others were total nerds. I have trouble saying no so anytime someone approaches me in conversation I try my best to be polite and engage with them. This sometimes leads to me talking to troubled people, but as long as they're not hurting anyone I withhold my judgement.

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2016, 07:44:33 AM »
I always attract people who are smarter than me. My closest friend is a genius and most of my other acquaintances were quite intelligent. I'm not intelligent but I do have curious mind and enjoy learning new subjects. I wonder why they seem attracted to me. People say I have a good sense of humor but I find it annoying.

I never attract other loners. I always wanted to. I'm ever a loner among loners!

Generally whatever relationship I begin never seems to last. Whenever I try to make a friend they either leaver or get a significant other and I'm out of the picture. Even though people seem to like me it's not often I'm invited out. I am awkward and quiet so I can't blame them.

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2018, 01:58:45 AM »
I would have, but i dont know a lot of weirdos around here.

Ive been getting pretty close with someone i met on social media for a few months, we dont talk much now, but we still talk at least once a week, the longest friendly-connection ive ever had with someone actually, she's kind of a weirdo & gothy woman kind & love cats as much as me. I just hope she will not dump me oneday like the rest in the past.
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jayjay

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Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2018, 11:48:22 PM »
I used to always attract the social outcasts, mostly troublemakers. Though due to past trauma I used to always be angry and look angry, and they seemed to think I was cut from the same cloth. But I've worked through that anger now and am always smiling (at least when I'm not being attacked by anxiety). And now I'm someone that society can't figure out. I'm just genuine, and that freaks people out. But it also makes it hard to attract anyone when you live outside of what everyone else thinks is normal and just live as a being on a planet full of mysteries. Most people don't relate.

I did manage to make a friend from work though, but he's the most extroverted person in the world, and it's caused me a lot of anxiety in the past when I would always worry that I would ruin it. He turned out to be the worlds biggest habitual liar though, he'll lie about what he had for breakfast. So I stopped talking to him that much.
The worlds not real anyway, so what am i trying to fit into.

Kilgore Trout

Re: Do you attract people who are... different?
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2018, 11:04:26 AM »
So far I've kept my distance from truly pathological, dark-triad-like personalities. I guess there's something about their style of interaction that I find instantly off-putting so it's easy for me not to get involved. But I do have a way of attracting insecure, depressed, attention-starved people, partly because I share those traits to some degree but mainly because I'm a good listener and I have a supportive, non-judgmental communication style, which they crave. Unfortunately, this has also proven a hassle and actually aggravated my loner tendencies, because it invariably leads to misunderstandings and much emotional trouble. I've had to reject more than one romantic advance from very lonely and awkward people for whom I felt no attraction at all but who misunderstood my being diplomatic and friendly for actual interest. They all took it very badly. It's no fun being rejected, but being the rejector is pretty terrible too.

Also, I've just left (or, rather, been let go) of a LTR in which my partner possessed all the aforementioned traits but was actually much more self-assertive and often bullyish towards me, so it wound up with me making all the concessions, sinking all my emotional resources into it and being stressed the hell out only to end up being dumped nonetheless. So, yeah, I guess I've had it with "different" types for now. Back into the shell again.
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