imagelogin

Author Topic: Are you afraid of getting old?  (Read 2039 times)

Ciara

Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #25 on: October 27, 2016, 12:40:19 PM »
I'm looking forward to growing up and entering college. Some people say that I'll regret what I'm saying but who cares. I'll deal with it when i grow up.

Angel Embrace

  • Drifter
  • **
  • Posts: 59
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Angel Embrace
  • Karma: 0
  • Love is my home
  • A/S/L : 22/F/In Dreams
  • I am : Sad Loner
  • Loner Personality: INFP (The Idealist)
  • My loner philosophy : Find who you are and what makes you happy on the inside. Be nice to others and respective of their own path.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #26 on: April 21, 2017, 07:36:08 AM »
I can't wait to get older! I feel like things would be much better or easier for me in regards to my mental/emotional state. I want to be able to handle life's challenges as a more 'sound' person. If I know who I am and what I love then, in the end, I don't lose anything!
I'm slowly learning to love myself and so far I'm liking myself more than I used to.
It's a long road to love oneself when you've been hating yourself for so long...

But it's a part of life to learn lessons and face challenges. I want to feel in control of myself and not let things get to me. Of course I will remember it's ok to get angry or sad, but I want to remember that things will pass. I've been through worse internally, so certain problems and situations like car breaking down, ordering food, getting phone service, etc. would be easier to handle (for someone who has social anxiety like myself, these are hard!!!!)
But if I can deal with what's inside me first, then everything around should be easier to handle. I want to believe this.

A warrior with armor has good protection from damage, but once the armor is gone, is the man still strong enough to protect himself?

I need to develop the skills that an armor-less warrior should need.

If I can find out who I am and truly accept and love me, then I can even deal with anxiety and depression much easier...

Oh yeah and being an adult gives me more sense of freedom and 'power', I feel it's easier because you don't have to worry about people judging you too much unlike when you were a teen. Teen years are harsh, judge-y, awkward, confusing.... =\

Idk its just a feeling I get. :azn:
Things will get better.....
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." ~ Romans 12:2

jeremiah

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 881
  • 150000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To jeremiah
  • Karma: 210
  • A/S/L : 61/male/WA
  • I am : Nerdy Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
  • My loner philosophy : Long is the night with the fool.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #27 on: April 21, 2017, 09:31:36 AM »
You don't know what you got 'til it's gone.

Book

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 577
  • 500000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Book
  • Karma: 15
  • M O D E R A T O R
  • I am : Extreme Loner (i'm here neither to make friends nor enemies)
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #28 on: April 21, 2017, 10:18:58 PM »
I can't wait to get older! I feel like things would be much better or easier for me in regards to my mental/emotional state. I want to be able to handle life's challenges as a more 'sound' person. If I know who I am and what I love then, in the end, I don't lose anything!
I'm slowly learning to love myself and so far I'm liking myself more than I used to.
It's a long road to love oneself when you've been hating yourself for so long...

But it's a part of life to learn lessons and face challenges. I want to feel in control of myself and not let things get to me. Of course I will remember it's ok to get angry or sad, but I want to remember that things will pass. I've been through worse internally, so certain problems and situations like car breaking down, ordering food, getting phone service, etc. would be easier to handle (for someone who has social anxiety like myself, these are hard!!!!)
But if I can deal with what's inside me first, then everything around should be easier to handle. I want to believe this.

A warrior with armor has good protection from damage, but once the armor is gone, is the man still strong enough to protect himself?

I need to develop the skills that an armor-less warrior should need.

If I can find out who I am and truly accept and love me, then I can even deal with anxiety and depression much easier...

Oh yeah and being an adult gives me more sense of freedom and 'power', I feel it's easier because you don't have to worry about people judging you too much unlike when you were a teen. Teen years are harsh, judge-y, awkward, confusing.... =\

Idk its just a feeling I get. :azn:
Things will get better.....

Getting older isn't all it's cracked up to be. You constantly yearn to be young again. As you age there is more and more stress as your body begins to fail you.

I have an appointment in a bit. I will be back to expand on your post.

Post Merge: April 22, 2017, 05:05:40 AM
Angel wrote -

Quote
Oh yeah and being an adult gives me more sense of freedom and 'power', I feel it's easier because you don't have to worry about people judging you too much unlike when you were a teen.

As an adult you actually have more restrictions. People won't excuse your mistakes as easily as when you are a child.

Being an adult in your child-bearing years is difficult. It is a constant competition to secure a mate and breed. Once you've had those children the stress is exponential because now you're responsible for so much more and all the time.

You're done resting until you're elderly and retired. Even then, people want their parents to babysit their grandchildren.

Lastly, yes, you are brutally judged even as an adult. I'm in my 50's. I've been a tomboy my entire life. I'm heterosexual, but people always assume I'm gay because I wear Levi's, Hawaiian shirts, and Dansko clogs, and I have short hair.

I'm treated badly quite often because society continues to have certain expectations as to how a woman should look. I'm old, I'm single, and I want to be comfortable. I'm not in the hunt for a man anymore, yet society still expects me to dress like I am.
Quote
History . . . is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake.

Angel Embrace

  • Drifter
  • **
  • Posts: 59
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Angel Embrace
  • Karma: 0
  • Love is my home
  • A/S/L : 22/F/In Dreams
  • I am : Sad Loner
  • Loner Personality: INFP (The Idealist)
  • My loner philosophy : Find who you are and what makes you happy on the inside. Be nice to others and respective of their own path.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #29 on: April 24, 2017, 11:00:49 PM »
Getting older isn't all it's cracked up to be. You constantly yearn to be young again. As you age there is more and more stress as your body begins to fail you.

I have an appointment in a bit. I will be back to expand on your post.

Post Merge: April 22, 2017, 05:05:40 AM
Angel wrote -

As an adult you actually have more restrictions. People won't excuse your mistakes as easily as when you are a child.

Being an adult in your child-bearing years is difficult. It is a constant competition to secure a mate and breed. Once you've had those children the stress is exponential because now you're responsible for so much more and all the time.

You're done resting until you're elderly and retired. Even then, people want their parents to babysit their grandchildren.

Lastly, yes, you are brutally judged even as an adult. I'm in my 50's. I've been a tomboy my entire life. I'm heterosexual, but people always assume I'm gay because I wear Levi's, Hawaiian shirts, and Dansko clogs, and I have short hair.

I'm treated badly quite often because society continues to have certain expectations as to how a woman should look. I'm old, I'm single, and I want to be comfortable. I'm not in the hunt for a man anymore, yet society still expects me to dress like I am.

I'm sorry that adulthood has been hard for you.
I'm 22 and am expected to be an adult, but personally, I think the age of an adult is late 20s-early 30s. I'm a late bloomer btw xP I've had a childlike nature since I was born and I believe it'll stay with me even when I reach my elderly age.

I have been judged by my outer appearance before and I know how frustrating that can be. My neutral face and awkward stoic impression stir up intimidation, gossip, and I've even had people verbally tell me they didn't like me or they gave me signs they didn't like me.
Of course, it hurt...
But I've been learning to like myself! I'm also learning to ignore what people think of me and just focus on myself. Whatever someone thinks of me is not important, it doesn't make me who I am, those people don't know who I am. it's what I think that's important. If I know I'm a good person, even if the other person doesn't, well it's their opinion. I just want to focus on me.
It's too common that people do not dig beneath the surface.
I've been there I admit, but that's when I was a little kid, I was super dense then :undecided: , but I've gotten wiser over the years.

I've learned you can't change/control people, but you can change/control yourself. The more I focused on what I couldn't control, which were people's thought of me, the angrier I got and that was not good for me mentally.
For a long time I had a problem of wanting to prove people wrong, but now I'm just too tired of it, wasted too much of my energy, and need to learn to let it go.

But when I think about it overall, my experience with people actually have been nice. I can be charming if I want to, but it's not fake! I'm naturally a compassionate and easygoing person, but my depression, anxiety and my neutral face either hides it or crushes it. 

I haven't been egged to get a boyfriend yet, and I don't want kids until I feel financially secure.

I really have high hopes for the future. It's really hard to explain my thoughts on it, but I believe as I work on myself, life opens for me, I've seen it happen for me!

There's an inspirational video by Jim Carrey, yes the comedic actor, that I've seen that really gave me perspective. It's really inspirational!
If you want to check it out, the link's below~ ^^
https://youtu.be/V80-gPkpH6M?t=9m22s

But anyways, how life will affect me as I get older, I will find out myself.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." ~ Romans 12:2

jeremiah

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 881
  • 150000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To jeremiah
  • Karma: 210
  • A/S/L : 61/male/WA
  • I am : Nerdy Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
  • My loner philosophy : Long is the night with the fool.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #30 on: April 25, 2017, 04:40:18 AM »
I have to somewhat echo some of Book's comments.  There are and maybe always have been, certain expectations for every life-period, based on some idealized notion of a what a toddler, child, teenager, 20-something, and so on, should be.  How they should think, feel and behave.  I've often described myself as agenerational.  At least beginning in my teens, I never nearly identified with what society thought I should be, at that age.  I always felt "other".  Part of me disdained the youth world I was supposed to belong to, part of me wanted to be more a part of it.  Part of me hoped I might be able to worm myself into a comfortable place in it.  As time went on, my chance for that passed by.  Now I'm met with a new problem---how to be an "old person"---and from where I am now, it's even worse than my earlier one.

As Book says, there are unwritten expectations and taboos that go with being older, I think, especially, an old man.  There's the stereotype of being "the dirty old man".  Well, here I am hob-nobbing with a bunch of people, half of whom are in their early teens.  (Hey, I didn't plan it that way!)  As much as I used to disdain the youth world I was once a part of, and as much insecurity and prejudice I often have against it now, to be totally honest, I envy it.  People my age just don't seem that interesting to hang out with.  They don't seem curious or interested in anything.  When you scout around for a good intellectual discussion, it seems like you find yourself amidst a bunch of 18-30 year olds, and occasionally feel a bit "weird" for crashing their rap sessions.  But is this just my prejudice?  My illusion?  I just don't know.

Of course there's the physical aspect.  The aches and pains.  Since one of my ways of dealing with my own depression and anxiety is running, biking and getting out and moving, this, in the back of my mind worries me, as I get achier and achier, and limpier and limpier.  Being trapped in my own body and confined to my house all day isn't something I like to contemplate.

On a psycho-social level, another aspect is that you get culturally old.  Everything that you enjoyed, all the wicked cool humor, all the horror, all the clever in-jokes, recede into the past, and are replaced by a new popular culture with it's ever-changing slang and buzzwords.  You can't go home again.  It's great that your past is being preserved on YouTube, but it's out of context.  So, as it's always been, you're separated to some extent from a younger generation, in the same way that you're separated from very foreign cultures.  Maybe you could see this as sort of a "culture shock".  Even if you could become physically young again, it wouldn't be the same, because everything you wanted to do when you were young, doesn't have the same meaning or acceptability.  Your dreams and aspirations would be "weird" or "ridiculous" today, and wouldn't be understood or tolerated.  They would even be possible.

There are many nuances and layers to my own "gerascophobia"---too many, and some perhaps to personal, to share here.  Platitudes and pieties don't help it.  I believe in confronting my feelings about it, articulating them (even if only to myself), and dealing with them.  I worked in elder care beginning in my thirties.  All the happy talk about people's "golden years", I'm sorry, is a cruel joke.  I saw many a sad, sad ending.  The best way to deal with it is self-honesty.  I think you need to have some honest spirituality or philosophy to really do that.

Since I have been wrestling with it, I've discovered there's a whole "gerascophobic bibliography and filmography".  I'm compiling this.  Writers going back hundreds, maybe thousands of years have written stories and novels about many of the things I myself am feeling, and I feel a certain comforting camaraderie with them.  My thinking and writing about it, I can "intellectualize" it, and thereby lessen its grip on me.

But no, getting old is not fun and its not easy, not for me at least.  I'm not whining, just being realistic about it. 

Book

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 577
  • 500000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Book
  • Karma: 15
  • M O D E R A T O R
  • I am : Extreme Loner (i'm here neither to make friends nor enemies)
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #31 on: April 25, 2017, 10:14:48 PM »
I'm going to follow on Jeremiah's comments with one positive aspect of being older.

You stop caring about what other people think of you and you beat your own path through the wilderness.

I've always been a loner, absolutely separate from the rest of society. I've always viewed it as being a gang of one. I have little respect for people who cannot make the effort to decouple themselves from "The Herd Mentality". I especially have no respect for gang members of any stripe.

Membership in these groups is, to me, a sign of tremendous personal weakness. You cede control of your life and decisions about it to other people.

That being said, for many in youth, it is a struggle to cast off the chains, and I understand that. You are only beginning your journey in this hellhole.
Quote
History . . . is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake.

Angel Embrace

  • Drifter
  • **
  • Posts: 59
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Angel Embrace
  • Karma: 0
  • Love is my home
  • A/S/L : 22/F/In Dreams
  • I am : Sad Loner
  • Loner Personality: INFP (The Idealist)
  • My loner philosophy : Find who you are and what makes you happy on the inside. Be nice to others and respective of their own path.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #32 on: April 26, 2017, 05:45:37 AM »
Thank you Book and Jeremiah for your words on this subject.

I can understand from you both that getting old isn't going to be easy, nothing like a day at the park, and I will keep that in mind, but I will still keep my hopes for the future.

I want to say this however, in high school, I thought my future will be bad. I thought about signing myself up to a mental hospital, truly! I didn't think I'd have a good future....
But I am sort of in the future now, that thought of staying in a mental hospital was probably about 8 or 9 years ago. And I'm better than I was before. I actually think I have a chance for a better future. No more thinking about signing up to a mental hospital!

But if things do take a turn then...I'll write about it here if this forum is still around then...
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." ~ Romans 12:2

Katitania

  • Lurking Crowd
  • *
  • Posts: 1
  • 0 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Katitania
  • Karma: 0
  • A/S/L : 18 / Female / Canada
  • I am : Artsy Loner
  • Loner Personality: ISFP (The Artist)
  • My loner philosophy : Be you, bravely.
  • Status Update: Can't sleep, can never ever sleep.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #33 on: April 26, 2017, 04:42:40 PM »
Personally, I wouldn't call it a "fear" of getting old. It's more of something I've dreaded in a sense.

Not intended to create a "Poor Me" Pity Party. Just a perspective likely deemed negative on life itself.

 I'm very young at 18 and have experienced a torrent of adversity for the vast majority of those years. Although I do have a decent peak at what adulthood itself has to offer which is mostly laborious work days, a flow of unexpected bills, and more; I realize that there's a deep end of adulthood yet to drown in. The reason I dread it is due likely to mental illness, in which I've been exposed to since a fairly younger age. And recently being diagnosed a year ago with Panic Disorder and Borderline Personality, along with childhood/adult ADHD tagging along, it hasn't exactly been the smoothest of journeys. With those as well, there were unfortunate reasons that triggered such disorders, many of which included a twisted family and confusing childhood, and of course being the one kid who liked school and was what most would call a "teacher's pet" didn't help either with the social/friendship aspect. Regardless, the thought itself of spending a feasible 50-80 years 'experiencing' life and adulthood and the thought of shoving through many more obstacles and lessons doesn't sound idealistic. That itself isn't just due to the Panic Disorder and the idea of leaving my own room creating an overwhelming urge to back out of my job and drop what little I've managed to accomplish, but also because of the portion of life I've already seen and what perspective on most people nowadays I've managed to catch. With the path I've been shoved down so far mental health wise, I'm already in early-stage liver failure with the medications and dosages I've been on since around age 15, I've experienced relationships that have gone very well and more than a few that have resulted in things best not spoken of here. I'm unable to have kids, and wouldn't have anyway due to the risk of severe post-partum depression. There isn't a lot more I'm able to experience, as the Borderline is chronic and my psychiatrist of more than 3 years has cleared with me that I'll likely never be able to live on my own.

 /read TL;DR: I do not want to grow old. I'm not suicidal, but the idea of living any more than 10-20 years more at best is more than what I'd want to put up with. Life itself from my perspective isn't all that fascinating, there are just many downs and a few ups to counteract them if you have enough money or are motivated/smart enough to find joy and peacefulness amongst a wasteland of rapacious beings.

Book

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 577
  • 500000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To Book
  • Karma: 15
  • M O D E R A T O R
  • I am : Extreme Loner (i'm here neither to make friends nor enemies)
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #34 on: April 26, 2017, 09:07:54 PM »
Katitania wrote -

Quote
. . . I wouldn't call it a "fear" of getting old.

I agree with this. Phobia, which means "fear", is abused in current society. If someone isn't a fan of homosexuality, they're labeled as "homophobic". Disagreement is different from fear.

That being said, I'm not afraid of getting old. I'm just not enjoying it. I'm stuck in a meatbag that smells and leaks and hurts.

Quote
. . . but the idea of living any more than 10-20 years more at best is more than what I'd want to put up with.

I feel the same way, especially in light of the decay and corruption of American society.

It amazes me that people are having children in this climate. Why would you subject someone you to love to what is going on these days?
Quote
History . . . is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake.

jeremiah

  • Adult Filter OFF
  • LC Regular
  • *
  • Posts: 881
  • 150000 credits
  • View Inventory
  • Send Money To jeremiah
  • Karma: 210
  • A/S/L : 61/male/WA
  • I am : Nerdy Loner
  • Loner Personality: INTJ (The Scientist)
  • My loner philosophy : Long is the night with the fool.
Re: Are you afraid of getting old?
« Reply #35 on: April 27, 2017, 10:14:51 AM »
I'd just like to say I'm not unremittingly "terrified" of getting old---Hell, I guess I am old---but sometimes I can go through periods when I am.  Sometimes it'll hit me out of the blue.  Some days I'm feeling pretty optimistic and have a realistic perspective on it.  It fluctuates.  But for me to deal with any emotional problem I have, I've got to "tell it like it is", at least to myself.  I've got to dig deep, and try to put it all into words.  The result may sound like a lot of melodrama and whining, but that's just the way it has to be.

Sorry to hear about your hardships, Katitania, and welcome to LC.  I don't see your post as self-pitying at all.  Like me, you're just telling it like it is.  There's nothing wrong in getting it out.  It's part of the process of making things better.  You're very articulate and wise for your age.  I don't believe I had so much self-knowledge at 18.

I can very much relate to ADHD.  I've never been diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have it, and/or Sluggish Cognitive Tempo.  As an INTJ with an insatiable love of learning, these have been major challenges for me in life.

I don't believe it's good to give young loners and introverts rosy scenarios.  Not to get all touchy-feely and everything, but I think that life is going to be more of a challenge for you than it is for most people, because you're sensitive.  I was too, and still am.  It's usually well-meaning, but when older people just tell people your age you're just going through a phase and everything's going to be just fine, is kind of irresponsible and dismissive.  You'll have good days and bad days of course, soaring highs and chasmous lows.  There'll always be something, some challenge to deal with.

Maybe medical science will come up with some treatments for your problems.  Have you heard of Dr. Michael Greger?  You might want to check him out on YouTube.  I don't know if he has the complete solution for you, but he may give you a little hope, when you need a little shot of optimism.